Reminder: Giving up on old dreams - doesn't mean there can't be new ones

I'm mourning.

We're about to leave a home of our dreams in following 48 hours. This is truly a beautiful place, magical, just something very warm to it, which makes me (and many of our guests) sigh. This is a place we sat by the fire, just enjoying the evening not saying a word. This is a place I cooked traditional Christmas porridge first time on a wooden stove, having already a little sign of pregnancy around my belly - in that photo I'm the happiest girl in the world! This is a place we built a cradle for our baby whilst I was still carrying him. This is a place we became a family.

I thought we would stay here a lot longer time. But then, mr. reality came for a visit and made us realize living here made life a bit harder. Life has certainly thrown us a few surprises we didn't expect. To make many many many things easier, we have to leave and go somewhere "sensible", somewhere less magical..Somewhere very nice, ok, good surroundings offering an excellent distance to my husband's work. But it will take time before I can take a same kind sigh of happiness there. A sigh of many things which become easier, sure - but "that" feeling I got when we first walk in this appartment we're about to leave.. I'm afraid I'll never get that again!

Although I'm leaving goodbyes to our home in tears and heart-broken, I like to hold on to the fact that I'm an optimist. So, there should and will be new memories ahead of us in the new apparment. Our son will probably take his first steps there. He will have his very first birthday in the new place. We'll get to see him grow and listen while he learns to talk there and has something incredibly of his own to tell us. By the signs he's already given us, those stories are going to be hilarious! Maybe we'll make some new friends there also, who knows.

Judging by the state we are: under huge stress, intense athomosphere and just trying to survive through days from morning to evening with 1 million things to handle -although we're just moving to another place and planning some redecoration- I think I must also say goodbye to a dream of ever building a house of our own. I think for some people, these kind of challenges are welcome and making people excited. But for us, we're close to nervous break-down although it's not so much we're supposed to do. Certainly, there's some emotional package from the previous year, and as we've not 100 % recovered from it - it's only fair to not to overlook that. But I must admit I'm a bit shocked how unready we were to welcome new challenges. I guess building an own house someday would require a huge amount of project control and it takes a certain kind of person to enjoy it. I'm sad we're not that people. So, to say goodbye to this thought, I must welcome something: easy living (huray Uriah Heep)! So long ever having stressful days at a construction site, welcome ready-to-move in homes in future!

This seems to be a sort of writing I do when I'm on very emotional mood so maybe it's not meant to be taken too seriously later on- but today it's the way I feel. So why stop while I've started? Ok, I'm also thinking I must say goodbye to big family. This is a very sensitive matter to me, but the way this year has gone with our precious baby(who is extremely beloved, no matter any circumstances) - I'm not sure I want to take the risk of all happening again. I think having many kids might be someone else's dream, but sadly not allowed for me, although I thought it was my dream as well. Saying goodbye to this dream, I'm welcoming possibilities to have perhaps time and space for more pets as I love animals as well. Damn it, I'm just scared I'll never take that chance again. There's a word to describe this kind of person: a coward. Not too proud of myself this second..

No matter how sad I'm feeling today and feeling vournable, I know that life gives you lemon(s!) and you're supposed to make juice out of it. When a door closes, a window opens they also say..I'm certainly having my eyes on that window now. And for God's sake I hope I have something happier to write about while waiting for it to open

Reminder: Road to hell is paved with good intentions indeed..

In my few previous updates I've nobly written about self improvement.

First, I came up with a new diet which would suit me perfectly. It was about dublicating any amount of unhealthy food with vegetable or a fruit and it was supposed to be easy as hell..sorry, (I have to constantly remind myself not to use swear words in my daily life as our son is picking up his words here and there - and as a responsible parent I don't want his first word to be "hell" or his first sentence: "goddamn cat threw up on the carpet again!") So, where was I? Yes the diet, it was supposed to be as easy as let say riding a bike! But no, I'm finding it difficult to obey it! Yes, I'm aware I should peel an orange..or two of them if I want a slice of cake, but when I want (=need) sugar, things go rather rapidly from one thing to another and I've caught myself constantly saying: "ok, you can have this one, but be sure to eat something healthy even after it.." Now, there's a plate full of - not grapes or blueberries, but white-chocolate-rasberry cookies right next to my computer, and guess if I've eaten anything healthy to "deserve" them..or if I'm going to do it afterwards either? I've had a bad day and I'm weak. Sorry jeans size 28, we're not going to be close friends as soon as I was hoping of. Can we postpone our date for next summer? So..Can I continue this diet tomorrow? Or Monday, I promise! (can you see the halo over my head..)

Then, there was talk about self control and mental exercice for a more stable mind Screw it..sorry for swearing again, I meant: it hasn't gone so well as expected either! Our little family is going to move soon to another appartment and there are million little details with the bank, real estate agents, insurance companies and tax authorities (don't get me started with them, or the swearing will be uncontrollable)..So it's been a bit intense, also with our little angel who seems to be chronically out of patience. No matter how I picture myself by the ocean and sunny beaches, I'm too close of losing my temper - and again the poor cat has to hear it (I cannot scream to our baby can I?)

Unfortunately we're not even close to the end of this rather frustrating period of packing, cleaning, moving, paper work..We'll get the keys to our new home next Friday and hopefully the moving day itself will be ok with the help of our family and friends. But we're suppose to do some home renovation as well with some new paint and wallpapers. So I think white chocolate-rasberry cookies are justified right now? And keep 'em coming for upcoming days..

Mr. Lama, you've visited Obama now - could you make a short trip to Finland as well and share you wisdoms about peace of mind? I'm sure China won't mind this visit

Yours truly, Woolysocks and the hand too close to the cookie plate once more..

Reminder: When it comes to mom's cooking, finish your plate!

I never realized until now, how important role breakfest, lunch, dinner or even just a cup of coffee plays when it's served by your mom. When it's served, don't brake your mother's heart - finish your plate and ask for seconds although you are already full. Why? Because you love her, and by refusing to eat all the food she has put on your plate, you refuse the love!

You don't think it's such a big deal? Think about it. When you were younger, did you ever went to a party or visit over your friend's home? You did? Good. Now, did your mom ever ask you: "Was there any dinner? What did they serve you?" Yes, this would be a question 90 % of moms ask as they want to know if and what has been served to her baby (that's you, you're going to be her baby even you're 45 years). If you say "yes, they had an amazing stake - Tiina's mom is such a great cook!", you're mom seems pleased and happy, but actually you've just stole her good night sleep. She's afraid her biggest nightmare has come true: someone else has fed you food you might like better than your own mom's! At this point I must warn you, if you ever do feel like the food served somewhere else than your mother's table is actually better, for heaven's sake don't tell it to her! Love her enough to lie, "yes, it was good but nothing compares to your stake mom!" NOTHING, pleases her more, because every mom wants to be the number 1 in her son's / daughter topten for favourite dishes.

My son is still a (real) baby but I can already relate to any mom's worry: what if he doesn't think my cooking is the best? What if he finds a wife who beats my sourcream-sweet chili-salmon 0-6?? Or what if they come together for a dinner and nobody wants to have a second round?? For my old poor state of mind by that time, I hope my son has the good heart to say: "Oh it's not the food mom, we're just already so full! Nothing compare's to your cooking, nothing!"

Reminder: Sweet sun and the blue sea is only seconds away

Today's reminder is about one's frustration and self control. Read until the end and I'll specify what the sun and the sea have to do with it.

Tell me one thing: Do you ever loose your temper and wish you hadn't? Or even struggle with negative or aggresive thoughts which just make you feel bad even if they were only in your head and never came out of your mouth? If you answered: "no, that has never happened to me. I'm always optimistic and calm in my actions my thoughts - actually Dalai Lama just called and asked for my advice on patience" - then congrats! You're inhuman AND my hero! But if you nodded, join the crowd!

"My name is Woolysocks, and I'm a peace-of-mind-aholic, I've been sober (without any disturbing thought or action in my head) for 4 proud hours now.." You know, I would love to be ZEN, a cool, peaceful girl who always takes a nice long mind-soothing breath in and out, before saying, doing or even thinking anything too hasty or negative. But to my disapointment, I'm not that girl - no matter what amount of yoga I practice or how many positive guidelines I have in store in case of a loose-of-temper emergency. One of these lines I read from my yoga classroom's wall. It said: "ACCEPT, accept and accept everything in life, the key to peace of mind is not to protest against anything" - I bet the writer of this noble thought..never had kids.

My son is the best thing in the world. Seriously,I cannot believe there's a gift like him and I want to express my love to him in any form possible. But, when he's is needy, clingy, not willing to sit with his toys for 2,5 minutes while I wash my face in the morning, I'm feeling a tiny bit of frustration growing inside of me. And for this yoga-thinker, I would like to ask how he would just "accept" the third attempt to feed a seriously hungry little guy, when he cries, turns his head away from the spoon and spits all the food from his mouth over and over again to floor and on himself..Then you think ok, stay calm, gentle and just try to comfort him as the baby seems to have a bad day, teething ache etc..But when keeping this 12 kilos of man-to-be in your lap who squirms, cries and pulls you away - you would just like to gently put him on the sitter and say: "ok, have it your way then" and go to a travel agency to book a nice weekend getta-away somewhere veeeery distant and warm. But as the child society worker might have saved your little angel away for good during your little holiday, you might like to consider something else.

Therefore, nowadays when I feel something or someone is about to steal my sweet sweet peace of mind, I do that gettaway in my head. When my child cries and refuses me putting him in his car sitter with every little muscle in his body, I'm already thousands of kilometres away in my head, to stay calm and smiling. It needs to feel pretty real to work though, so a good imagination really pays off with this method. I need to really concentrate on how the sun would tickle my toes and how the blue sea would send a very pleasent breeze to cool me off..I have a strawberry margarita on the other side, and there are absolutely no responsibilities or do-lists at sight, just amazingly relaxed feeling..

There is a risk I look a bit distracted few times a day and I hope my son doesn't have to go to a therapy because of it. But at least mummy's facial expressions stay a bit more relaxed and mellow AND, I have a very concrete example for his holiness, mr Lama if he ever needs an advice from a parent, who's really been tested when the frustration knocks on the door..

Reminder: Obey your new diet: "Double or nothing!"

Today I need to leave a reminder to myself, regarding my new diet : just obey it! I was wondering what would be the best way to cut the amount of treats I destroy daily. I'm in ok shape usually, but I'm a non-stoppable sugar teeth and a chocoholic combined with a huge, open heart for greasy food like pizza and hamburgers. I want to stay honest to myself and admit I'm never gonna say 100 % goodbye to desserts, candy or cookies. So, I need something to control the amount of tasty sugar and fat. Then I came up with my "double or nothing" diet. Or actually I don't even want to call it a diet, because if it works, I can use it for the rest of my life as it's so easy to obey..Anyway, want to know how it works?

Rule 1: You can eat anything you like
Rule 2: If you eat unhealthy (candy, icecream, cookies, pancakes boiled in grease), you have to double the unhealthy part with a fresh fruit, vegetable or fruit - prefarabely in advance
Rule 3: That's all you have to remember

Feeling doubtful? I'll give you an example. If I want to eat a slice of cake, I have to eat my healthy stuff in advance and by double comparing to the amount of unhealthy cake slice. A large orange can be compared to a normal slice of cake, and then just double it = 2 large oranges before the cake slice and I'm enjoying the heavenly piece of dessert with a halo above my head.

What's the difference to my normal life? A significant change is that, normally I would've had 2nd piece, then a 3rd piece, until I would be feeling sick and definetly going to bed later with a bad conscience. (You know the feeling: "What are you doing to yourself woman! Where's the self control??") But now I'm predicting I could only bare 2 oranges in advance. If I would've assumed I want to eat 2 pieces of cake, I would've had to eat 4 oranges (no way jose)! The same thing with pizza for example: I'll settle for a 1/4 plate of a pizza, if I know I only have to eat 1/2 plate of salad for starters. For a whole plate of pizza I would have to stuff 2 big plates of salad to myself in advance and you'll see Barack and Osama highfiving each other before that happens..

Why I'm willing to obey this? Because of the rule number 1: I can eat anything I like! As nothing is forbidden, I have no temptations. It's only the huge amount of healthy food I have to eat too, and that, I know will slow me down.

I'll keep you posted how this "diet"..No, "a new lifestyle" will work out and will it make wonders on my daily habits as a proud candy fan.

Reminder: Are you sure you would wanna win the lottery..?

Today's reminder came into my mind when I was checking the current jackpots available in Finnish lotteries. The "normal" Finnish lottery makes you 1100000 euros richer if you check the 7 lucky numbers right tomorrow, but is nothing when comparing it to all Scandinavian, Viking Lotto with
9 900 000 euro jackpot to fulfill even your craziest dreams! Wether your dream is to be a space cowboy or finally winning your neighbour in "who has the biggest lawn mover of the block" - it's possible with this amount of money.

Actually this is one of my favourite subjects through out time. I love that "what would you do if you won in the lottery" -question. I've loved it since I was a little girl! And it was a lot easier to reply when I was 6 years: "First, I would buy a pony, then a cockerspaniel..no, make it two cockerspaniels and 10000 kilos of candy!"

Believe it or not, it's a lot harder nowadays - as a grown up. Sure, I know what I would want: Travel, travel, travel, with sunny beaches and blue ocean whenever I feel like it, amazing car, a jacuzzi, king size Hästens and I would like to start my own company! No matter how silly my products would be, I would have the money to even try making a business out of them. But do you realize how many other grown up's are now looking at me and only waiting when the charity speech starts: "Oh, that's all sounds very nice dear, but it's all for yourself! wouldn't you want to help your friends and family as well and maybe make this world a better place with your money??" And believe me I DO. I would instantly share the money with my parents and siblings, fly my friends to Mauritius and through them a huge party with all the food and drinks they want, donate money for windmill power plants, animal care organizations, poor children in Africa and a nice cheque for Finnish people in need as well!

But nothing would be enough for other people if they know, you have won the lottery. Sharing the money with parents, siblings and friends wouldn't be enough for everybody. Oh no, all of a sudden a former relative you haven't seen since your christening calls and want to be a part of your life again "after all this years he/she has missed you". Your second cousins, neighbours, people you went school with, all would want to be a part of your happiness. "Alright, why not?", you think and give them each let say..500 euros. Pretty nice money from out of the blue isn't it? You would think they would be grateful for the money they could use for an amazing evening in a good restaurant for example. But that's not realism, they would blame you for being too greedy! "Only 500 euros, didn't you just won over 1 million?!" Then you realize nothing, no amount of money would ever replace the envy people feel for you. They are not happy for you anymore, they think you're selfish and changed because of all this money. After some time, the most bitter "friends and relatives", fade out of your life.

What about your career? Of course you would invest some of the money wisely, maybe even keep your day job. But where's the thrill now? Even if you would have the best business idea in the world and it would break through, you would already have everything. There wouldn't be any real change in your daily life. And people might think you just got everything easy now because of the millions, nobody thinks you've made it because you're amazing in the job you do. "Boss, we made 1000 new orders yesterday! Or maybe you don't care now as you're already rich.." Or would you?

It's obvious anybody's life would change tremendously if they would win the lottery (unless they're already rich, you silver-spoon-in-a-mouth born bastards!) But would that anybody be willing to accept the fortunes which come with other people's envy and endless greed over you money - and the possibility, you loose the thrill of pursue a goal in your life?

After all this, is there any point of filling a lottery coupon tomorrow with my numbers? Do I even want to be rich and accept the fact my life would never be the same again...? Emm..Maybe I wouldn't want to change anything..NOT! You bet I do!! My parents, siblings and friends would get part of the fortune and the envy other people..You can take the 500 euros or leave it. What ever, send your hatred fax to my office..I'll be in Mauritius :)

Reminder: Magazines and real life aren't even meant to match!

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Today's reminder is not to get too frustrated when going through your weekly women's (any) magazine home decoration section - and then take a glance over your own home! Many things don't seem to match, do they?

For example, where's your fresh 40 pce bouquet of fresh white tulips on antique living room table? Oh, you don't have extra 30 euros to spend on your daily floral eye candy? Oh sorry, you DO have the money but your cat / dog / turtle / fiance just keeps on pouring it down and your parquet just can't handle another water damage? My mistake, you mentioned something about having children? Oh, I understand why the flower vase is a bit dusted and out of sight right now..Keep your cereal in it as well? Don't worry - I don't think the lady in the magazine really has those tulips in her home normally either. She's just like you and probably filling the vase with her K-specials as well once the shoot for the article was over.

Then, let's go over your bathroom. Take a moment to compare it to magazine..and no? You don't have snow white massive towels on the hanger, which seem like they've never been used? So you are one of those people, who actually have to use them and by time they seem to go bit more fluffy..not so "fresh from the outdoor" anymore, but definately more comfortable after 124 washes. And for some reason, there isn't a spot of toothpaste, shampoo or even a drop of water in the bathroom of this miracle woman in the magazine. Emm..You do realize, you cannot actually use your shower or any chemical, if you want your bathroom to be something to dream about, just like in the magazine! And wait a minute, where are your lighted, champagne shaded candles by the tub and little smooth decorative stones beside them? Don't worry, the woman in the magazine doesn't really have the time for candlelight bubblebaths with her husband either - just like you! She has to get to work on time in the mornings and in the evening she has to cook for her children or help them with their homework. She doesn't have the time to lie in the tub for heaven sake, the kids are hungry and her husband already had shower at the gym!

Alright, alright..There must be something we can recognize from the magazine's bedroom. Sure, sure..Different from the magazine, you don't have the latest bestsellers perfectly organized on your nightstand and believe me - the woman in the article doesn't actually read them either. When she has the time, she grabs a nice life style magazine with BIG pictures (just like the one making the envied story of her home) and reads maybe couple of articles of season's recipes..or simply turns the page to the end to check the latest dresses on the red carpet. And here's a shocker: before going to bed, she hasn't ironed her bedsheets! No no, don't compare your wrinkled, mixed sheets with hers. Hers might look smooth and silky, but actually they aren't so comfortable as this kind of sheet material is the worst as it sticks to every toe nail or dry skin heels. That's why, after "the magazine people" are gone, she goes back to her routines and changes her sheets to cotton ones, which feel comfortable and safe (and don't make you want to polish your legs with sand paper!)

So, you can see the point I'm heading at? I could go on and on about how the parents don't actually drink a glass of redwine by the fireplace every evening..or how the children aren't a daily sight helping their mother in kitchen, cutting fresh tomatoes together to prepare a healty meal. Aaw, isn't that nice? Sure, if it was true. Most likely, they are eating yesterday's leftovers which is Chinese or the helpful "kitchen aid" daughther has already filled herself in McDonald's after school.

Don't beat yourself up although you cannot reach the dreamlife the magazines are showing us! While article is being edited, the woman in the magazine has already made spots to her shining bathroom mirror with toothpaste. And now my friend - there's a bathroom and life you can relate to.